Physical, Emotional and Sexual Preparation for marriage

With Ruth Ibukunoluwa Omogbemi on Thy Handmaidens Facebook group.

What is marriage? According to the dictionary
the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman). “a happy marriage”

According to God’s definition

It is the coming together of 2 to become 1 that is 1+1 =1

That’s God’s definition of marriage

For this to happen so many things must happen

  • Be saved, be born again. For you to have God’s perfect will you must be in His will yourself. His major will is you being born again
  • You must be ready to give and also receive. This involves many things that I’m hoping I can explain later
  • be ready to put your spouse first
  • And ultimately be ready to allow God’s will be done in your marriage which sometimes won’t be convenient.

Preparing for marriage is not something you can rush about but with God’s grace and mercy he will make it easier.

I’ll be dealing with the major aspect I’m given which is: Physical,emotional and sexual

1. Physical preparation involves your dressing, the books you read as well as they have effect on your kind thereby reflecting in the physical, the friends you have, they should be pursuing at least one major goal with you which is heaven because they somehow will rub off on you.

The dressing aspect involves you having the intention to look radiant even after having kids. Having children or getting married isn’t a licence to dress ‘mamaish’
Some ladies even without being married don’t seen to know how to coordinate their dressing. Now when you are dressing don’t make getting or keeping your spouse be the major reason for looking good, let it first be to please the Lord and be happy about it .
There are many things we pray about but we forget that God is interested in making us look good hence especially to some of us who don’t know how to combine colors and cloths tell it to the Lord and trust Him to guide you.

Another about physical preparation is learning to be happy with yourself that’s more like ‘be in a relationship with yourself’ apart from God who should be first. You are to learn to be with yourself, love yourself, be happy with yourself, it is from the abundance of love that you have for yourself that you can share with others don’t forget this law ‘love your neighbor as YOURSELF’ which means if you don’t first love God and yourself you can’t love the next person.

I remember growing up how my mum will take time to check my underwear and even the side of my private part to ensure its truly clean and no offensive odour. I wasn’t comfortable with it then but I really appreciate it now. I remember her always saying to me that my husband is going to be looking at those part in marriage, it sounded somehow to me but she was right, I had reactions on my skin then which she made sure she got rid of, thank God for her, all these are things that matters. Cleanliness is a major factor and should be taken seriously. You don’t necessarily need to shave the hair in your armpit and vagina if you are not comfortable with it but make it is always clean. Dress in an appealing way not shabbily or under-dressed but majorly be guided by God.

2. Spiritual Preparation Esther2:5-9 is the major passage we will be picking our ideas from. When Esther was chosen by the king, despite being chosen she can’t see the king yet because she still needs to prepare in every way before she could be enthroned as the queen. This preparation took days.

In our present time, like my late mum helped me to do, I started praying about marriage from junior class, I think jss3 or so. I wasn’t praying to know who I was only praying into the future cancelling anything that needs cancellation, praying for my husband then unknown and children, during this period that was all I was doing, in Senior secondary school 2, I remember having a dream about my husband of how he came to see my parents for the first time but I didn’t understand it until it was time in fact about 3 weeks to my wedding. But I didn’t carry that in my head. Why I’m I saying this? Is cause sometimes God does more than we ask for giving us secrets that we will need in the future. This is why preparation especially spiritually is necessary

3. Emotional preparation requires you being emotionally stable. The truth is there will always be a more handsome, richer, loving, romantic man than the man you are getting married to. You have to choose to love your man. Don’t be the type of lady who doesn’t have control over her emotions who is easily moved by sight or words. Like I do say love is an action not a feeling.
Make sure every emotional ties are severed either from a past relationships or just ‘crushes’. Don’t start looking for what is in your ex in your husband to be, they are two different personalities, if he was perfect for you, you won’t have been apart
Don’t be the type that blackmail your spouse emotionally, because you want to have your way you start crying and he, wanting to be a loving man (this I’ll prefer he ignores you) allows you which may cost you more than you bargained.

I’ve come across ladies who wants to have every type of man, today it’s one handsome rich bro/guy tomorrow, it’s a tall man. Its good to desire beautiful things in life but let it be subject to the Lordship of Christ. When you let your desire cloud your mind it blinds you from seeing what God wants you to see and it hinders God’s blessings from reaching you. I’ve heard of situation where a sister sees a brother tall, well built bodily, handsome and all and the next thing they do is lusting and imagining him in bed with them (which is fornication). Such sisters needs to pray for sanctification of heart, because marriage will not stop it. Some ladies are not sexually active so to say but they have had sex time and times again with different men in their mind. You need to repent and break free as this will spur up problems in your marriage. Anything you can’t sort out now before marriage will pose problem in the marriage.

4. Sexual preparation. Sex is God’s blessing to us and we should enjoy it to the fullest in the confines of marriage. The First few days of having sex may not be interesting being a virgin but with time you will enjoy it.You should be ready to allow your husband explore around your body to know what turns you on which helps in lubricating you. In marriage your body is no longer yours likewise your husband’s body not his, be ready for times when your husband will suddenly touch your breast without prior notice, and you doing same 😃😃. There will be enough touching, you have your toys on his body and he too on yours. Now if you are the type that gets irritated unnecessarily you may as well not bother getting married, because your husband will sometimes or in your case will always irritate you. You will need to work on your self and understand that marriage is not about you alone but first about God then your spouse. I want to believe he will be an understanding man and will not abuse the authority God has given him. You can’t be rigid in marriage as far as it’s not going against God’s word you should be ready to learn new things and even create new things.

If you are the type that holds what someone said so dare even over the word of God you will have to start sorting that out first, cos in marriage you will learn new things and if you want your sexual life to remain vibrant you should learn to spice it up but making sure they are done under the control of the Holy spirit.

I remember when I just had my first child and I wasn’t fascinated by sex which is understandable but I shouldn’t make that something to capitalize on. If going by my body I won’t bother about sex for a very long time like a year or more, but I had to consider my husband. When it got to the 5th week after delivery and by then I was okay to have sex again if I want to but obviously my mind wasn’t and my husband isn’t pressuring me but you can tell he desires it. I spoke with someone who counselled me then as to what to do, we tried that day me being the initiator but it was painful because I’ve gotten tighter, so we had to stop. God so good my appointment was just few days away I told my doctor who recommended a cream to me, I wasn’t so comfortable with it cos I love having that dry feeling in my vagina, I managed to use few times but stopped and took it to God in prayer, we got a lubricant which worked and I’ve been fine.

It doesn’t mean one should not take care of one self when or throw away your personal need, like in my case we had to stop when it was painful and as if I was to have another tear obviously the stitching was made tighter than the usual way hence the hole became smaller reason for the pain. Yes there will be pain when going back to sex after delivery but it should not be the way mine was.

The key factor is putting your spouse sexual needs first.

Be ready to explore and be explored😃

Be open to learning

If anything isn’t clear ask someone trusted

When you discover your g spots tell your spouse as this aids in lubricating you

Be ready to initiate love making don’t let it be your husband alone

Sometimes I’m not in the mood for sex but when I see we are going days than usual without sex and it’s not that we are fasting I initiate, reason being that my husband may be so occupied and he won’t notice and sex is a way of making our intimacy intact. Couple can live together as strangers if things are not done rightly. After God money and sex are the major things that shatters a home.

I’m hoping I’ve been able to touch all aspects I’m required to. The major things that need preparation for marriage aside spiritual is your mindset. Allow God to lead you and be opened to learn and to even unlearn. My prayer is that God will guide us all in all we do. Learn to pray about anything that bothers you first before seeking counsel.
In prayer you will get the leading you need. Before you tell it to Man, tell it to God. I pray the Lord order our steps in Jesus name. This seed sown will yield fruits to the glory of God in Jesus name. For our single ladies you will not marry your enemy in Jesus name. For the engaged may the Lord perfect that which He has started and if it’s not his will I pray he brings you out of it and take you into his will. For the married, our marriage shall be a blessing and bring honour to God and blessings to our society in Jesus name.
God bless us all
Thank you 😍





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